My child has refused to order her own hamburger (as she has done many times before) and when I calmly tell her she can either order it herself, or go home without hers burger, she goes completely berserk. Yes, I have entered into a “food fare nightmare”—with my formidable opponent, my eight year old child.  I feel my cheeks flush as public onlookers wait in complete stunned silence to see who will win—the big one or the little one?  What is worse is that some where I know that many of the people now staring at us have been here and have felt just like I have at some point in time.

The Four Parenting Keys to Taming Your Willful Child

Surprisingly, over my years as a family counselor, I have come to love working with willful children. These children have a fire in their belly, a spark in their eye and a feisty attitude that assures their future in walking to the beat of their own drum instead of blindly following the crowd—a trait many parents hope for during the teen years. Yet that day in the food fare I was worn out, embarrassed and on the verge of saying “I quit!”

Raising your willful child can be exhausting. Fortunately for me, I learned some commonsense parenting tools that eliminated nearly all future fights. Allow me to share some of these parenting tips that can support your efforts in taming your willful child.

Raising your willful child with these four parenting tips can help you navigate the emotional mine field successfully:

1. Use consistency. Follow through on EVERYTHING you say. Willful children are gifted at manipulating “chances” and finding loopholes to obtaining exactly what they want. Hold your ground as calmly and firmly as possible—whatever you do, don’t back down.

2. Develop patience. Waiting out a fight without saying anything (especially if a temper tantrum erupts in public) can be one of the most difficult, yet important, things you ever do as a parent. Willful children are bright—they know that the biggest weapon in their arsenal is to push your embarrassment button. Swallow your pride—do not cave in just because you think you look bad in public. Remember if you cave in, your child will learn to use this trump card every time they want their way in a public setting.

3. Talk less and act more. This works well, because when you get into a debate with a willful child you are certain to lose! This is why in my “food fare nightmare” example above I gave two simple options; to order the hamburger or go home without it (the talking less part); and then silently waited (the action part).

4. Take time out for yourself. Parenting children is exhausting (especially a feisty child). Find little ways to take time out yourself (share child care with a friend, hire a babysitter more, use extra hours at daycare) so you will have more energy and patience to draw from during the trying situations.

What Does the Future Hold for Your Willful Child?

These commonsense parenting tools tame the negative opposition, but let their beautiful spirit flourish. If you attempt to use traditional discipline practices and make your child do what you want, you face an un-winnable uphill battle.

Fortunately, commonsense parenting does not mean letting your child get away with murder! A commonsense approach uses firm boundaries, mutual respect and discipline—teaching a child to naturally learn and grow from their mistakes rather than fight you every step of the way.

In the midst of your next fight, you may wonder if there will be an end to the madness. I am here to tell you that there will be a resolution to your current dramas. In my case, these tips allowed me to triumph and actually enjoy raising a willful child.

This same child who gave award-winning temper tantrum performances in public and could bring me to my knees is now a responsible, respectful and enjoyable 17 year old college student whose year ahead is completely paid by scholarships won. For me and her, we both won in the end. May it also be the same for you.

When taming your willful child remember to keep the faith, learn commonsense parenting tips and know that eventually if you follow the basic principles above “this too shall pass.”

In some cases, previously unknown children can appear to claim part of the estate. Or, a greedy or unhappy family members may claim that a beneficiary is not a biological descendant of the deceased person. Depending on the timing of the claim, defending this claim could require exhumation or testing of autopsy specimens, neither of which is a pleasant process and which can be an expensive process.

DNA has emerged as a common tool in modern human identification and has magnificent and unparalleled applications in modern society. The best defense is a strong offense. In many cases proper legal registration of your DNA profile with your estate planner or attorney will help ensure legal and rightful administration of your estate, should the need arise.

The DNA relationship testing market has been growing steadily over the last twenty years.  Prices are decreasing and the easy of testing is increasing. Today, it is projected that the annual number of persons that will participate in some type of paternity or extended relationship test will exceed 1 million. In sharp contrast, it is estimated that less than 200,000 persons were tested in 1988. The increased demand for DNA testing has been fueled by greater public awareness of the power of DNA and the affordability and easy access to testing.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 2007 was a record year for births in the United States, there were 4,315,000 recorded births. Experts think that the increase has to do with a range of factors, including immigrants having more children, professional women delaying pregnancy until their 40s and a larger population of women in their 20s and 30s. These factors, coupled with the fact that 38.5% of all U.S. births in 2006 were from unwed mothers translates into an increasing need for education of families about the importance of knowing ones biological parents.

About DNA

DNA is the map of life and defines the essence of our individuality. Despite the size of the human genome, over 3.2 billion genetic markers, 99.9% of the DNA in all unrelated people in the world is identical. Thus, the vast differences observed in the human race are created from the minute differences in only 0.1% of DNA. An individual’s DNA can contain valuable information to help the lives of present and future generations. Locked in our DNA code are the secrets of our ancestry and medical conditions that scientists are only now beginning to understand.

PATERNITY

It is natural for families to want to know who the biological father of their baby is. Nationwide, approximately 30% of tested men are excluded as the biological father.  That means that 3 out of 10 test comes back as a negative result for paternity. A child has the right to the sense of identity that comes from knowing who both biological parents are. Knowledge of a child’s biological heritage is also very important in understanding future possible health risks. In addition, determining paternity gives a child legal right to receive financial support from the father and to inherit from the father.  This is the same if the mother is unknown.  In an era when adoption is a popular option it is important to remember that more and more people do not know either biological parent.

RELATIONSHIP TESTING

Relationship DNA testing can determine if a long lost brother or sister, grandparent, aunt or uncle is truly related to the family in question. DNA testing can also reveal if twins are identical or fraternal. Modern DNA testing can provide answers for a new world of relationships. Paternity testing can also be performed indirectly by testing relatives of an alleged father.

FORENSIC PATERNITY

If a person is deceased or unavailable for testing which is often the case in the question of estate settlement, forensic DNA testing can be an invaluable tool.  DNA can be found on evidence that is decades old. Common sources of forensic DNA evidence include: fingernail clippings, hair with roots or follicles, chewing gum, used beverage containers, eyeglasses, hats, lickable stamps or envelopes, teeth, post mortem tissue, a toothbrush, or cigarette butt.  The results that can be looked for from each item differs and it is best to contact your laboratory to see what items they recommend. For more infomation on DNA testing and how it can asssit you please contact DNA Identifiers.  Remeber regardless of you net worth it is important to have an estate plan in place and DNA can be an important part of your plan.

For many years now we have been hearing about how hard it is to be a single mother. They have to hold down a job, maintain a household IE cook, clean, do laundry etc. They in effect have two very demanding full time jobs.

I think it is outstanding that there are so many programs designed to allow a single mom live with dignity. They have access to free or reduced cost child day care. There is “WIC” Women, Infants, and Children. There are education grants,reduced cost housing, free job training, and the list just goes on.

Google “single moms” and you get 19,500,000 results. Lots of programs geared to the the single mom.

Being a single parent is difficult at best, sometimes it is nearly impossible.

So why is the other side of the coin so often ignored? Where is “MIC” Men, Infants, And Children? Why are single fathers treated like low-life lay abouts if they are desperate and overworked enough to ask for a little assistance? It is no easier for a man to raise his children alone, in fact society often makes it harder.

Single dads are told “Be A man” or “Suck it up”. They are being men. They are raising the children they brought into this world. Yet, it is somehow their fault that the mother of their children could not be bothered to stick around and help raise the kids she conceived.

I recently worked with a man who narrowly escaped jail time because he didn’t want to pay child support to his daughter’s deceased mother. He supplied Michigan’s Friend of the Court with her Death Certificate at least twice that I know of, and yet it still took months to get it cleared up.

Some people will ask ” What right do you have to write this?” or “How dare you!” So here is a small part of my story as a single dad. I’m sorry, but it reads like a bad plot in a soap opera.

In Jan. of 1992 my wife told me she she wasn’t happy and “needed space to find herself” I tried to get her to go to marriage counseling, no way would she go. Let’s work it out ourselves, she said. I was willing to do anything to make her happy.

We lived in So. California and I worked in construction. I would get up at 3:30 AM six days a week to provide for my wife and two kids. As a result of my early schedule and heavy workload I was ready to sleep between 8:30 and 9:00 PM. She told me I needed to stay up longer so we could work it out. I told her anything she wanted I would try.

She pulls out the smallest zip-loc baggie I had ever seen with an off-white powder in it. “What’s that?” “Something to help you stay awake.” Being rather naive I said okay. Out comes a mirror, razor blade, and a straw. She proceeded to show me how to prepare and snort a line of Meth-Amphetamine. Stupid me, I tried it. Over the next few weeks she feed me way more than I could handle. The result? A drug clouded mind that would agree to anything she said.

She got her own apartment in March. In July she took my daughter and moved to New Jersey, 3,000 miles away. My son and daughter hardly know each other. New discoveries and revelations of what a fools paradise my marriage had actually been kept hitting me from all sides. I lost everything I had.

My family spirited my son away to Michigan because I was such a mess. Shake a man’s world hard enough the world doesn’t fall apart, the man does. I don’t know how I survived. Dumb luck and a little voice in the back of my mind “Your son needs you, you’re all he has.”

Even after all these years it is painful to think about.

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

Fast forward to December 1994. I found enough of myself to get back up and stand on my own two feet. I got on a bus to Michigan with a suitcase half full of clothes(every thing I owned) and a vague plan. “Get the drugs out of my system, get my son, and go home to California to start over”.

I quit the drugs cold turkey with no rehab. I then realized if I went back to California the hole I had dug for myself and climbed out of was there waiting for me. I decided to start over in Michigan.

My sister and mother convinced me ask for state help, despite my very limited success in California I agreed.

Here is the “help” that was given me, a single dad trying to cope with loss and raise a young son who couldn’t understand why his mommy left him.

I was enrolled in a program called “Work First” I was thrilled, my new home was going to help me!! They were going to teach me use a computer. I was going to learn to program and repair computers. I would be able to get a high paying job in a high demand growth industry. I would once again be a fully functional and contributing member of society.

I couldn’t wait to go to class. I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I was still recovering from the meth, my body wanted to sleep, my mind wouldn’t let me. I was up and ready an hour before I needed to be. I was on my way!

My first week I took my tests and did my assignments. I was in the top five percent of my class. Our assignment on Thursday was to fill out a job application. I didn’t have a car so I walked to the gas station across the street. I got a job paying $5.00 an hr.

Friday I told my instructor what I had done. “Congratulations, you graduated”. I was out of the program. No free training. But not to worry, we’ll still train you.

Since I am a high school graduate it would have only cost me $150.00 a credit and I only needed about 20 credits! Making $200.00 a week how was I to get $3,000.00 for my training?

I have no doubt that in some data bank I’m listed as a glowing success for the program. Less than one week to get me a job, without having to pay for my training.

I stopped asking for help after that. To have all that help taken away because I wasn’t lazy and was willing to work for what I got.

I worked hard and became Manager of that station and have since moved on to better things.

I still had a choice to make, work two jobs to buy my son expensive toys and clothes or spend time with my son. I chose to spend time with my boy. I did without so I could give him what he needed. He needed glasses, he got them. When he needed braces, he got them. We may not have had a lot, but we had each other.

So yes, I do know what I’m talking about.

I did not write this so anyone would feel sorry for me, I am proud of my son and what I overcame to raise him. He is in college with a 4.0 average.

If you are a single parent and have read this far, have hope. You have something that was not available to me. You have a computer, you have the Internet.

With these tools you can build a home based business. You can be there for your children while building a second income on line. You don’t have to be gone most of the time to give them a little more.

You will have to work hard, but you’re used to that. Anyone who tells you “Sign up, Do Nothing And Get Paid” is lying to you or trying to scam you. At best they want you to scam money from other hard working people.

There are many free and low cost training programs available on line. Do some research and find the one that is best for you.

And always remember,You are not alone, there others like you, overcoming the odds, join them.

The blood test uses the mother’s plasma to extract Genetic information about their unborn baby.  The test can be used to determine if the unborn baby carries specific genetic abnormalities, such as muscular dystrophy, this test can be conducted shortly after conception.

Currently, testing for genetic abnormalities and gender cannot be carried out until at least 9 weeks and as late as 24 weeks.  The current methods of testing are either through a Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) or an Amniocentesis.

Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) is a medical procedure conducted by an OBGYN that is typically performed between 9 – 13 weeks gestational age, which is often mistakenly referred to Chronic Villus (or Villi) Sampling. CVS is a vaginal procedure that removes a very small portion of the placenta.

Amniocentesis is a medical procedure conducted by an OBGYN that is typically performed between 14 – 24 weeks gestational age. The amniocentesis procedure involves insertion of a needle into the womb and drawing out approximately 10cc’s of amniotic fluid, which surrounds the unborn baby.

Professor Michael Chapman, head of women’s and children’s health at the University of NSW, said that this new testing method was the “holy grail” of research.  “Scientists have been chasing this for about 25 years,” he said. “The biggest advantage of this in a wanted pregnancy is there is no risk of miscarriage during testing.”

The research team from the University Medical Center, in The Netherlands, used the test on 200 women. Only in 10 cases could the gender not be determined.  The procedure works by taking a sample from the mother’s blood plasma and extracting fetal DNA, which circulates in the mother’s blood. Looking for a specific gene sequence, doctors can then determine if the baby is a boy or a girl and is a carrier of specific disorders.  In most cases, the test will be performed on a seven-week-old fetus.

But Australian obstetricians warn the medical breakthrough is unlikely to be used in Australia because it could be used for gender selection and due to “ethical and moral” dilemmas.

The test did not address the fact that fetal DNA that is found in a mother’s blood can be from previous pregnancies even years later.  The research have not address how to determine if the DNA is from the current fetus.  While their are some DNA testing companies that have offered to use “simple” blood test to determine paternity for several years.  These test can often be unreliable.   While this new test promise great answer at no risk there are still some very big questions that haven’t been answered.

News.com.au

Police announced these plans as officers continued searching for six-year-old Okuhle and three-year-old Mabaxole Maqhubela, the latest additions to the province’s list of missing children. They disappeared in Laingsburg last week on their way from East London to Cape Town by taxi.

During a weekly press briefing, provincial visible policing head Robbie Roberts, said missing children were one of the “biggest concerns” in the South Africa.  According to Roberts “on a daily basis a lot of children are reported missing.”

Roberts warned parents not to leave their children alone or let them out of their sight.  “And ask yourself when you put your children in the care of somebody, do you really know that person? Do you really trust that person?”

Roberts urged parents to tag their children, including on the tag the child’s name and the parents’ contact details, especially when taking their children to a large public area like a beach. “It’s unbelievable how many children get lost on a beach in one day,” he said.

Roberts said children needed to be taught their home address and parents’ cellphone or landline number. “Once recovered, we find it difficult to get this information from children.” He also urged parents to take photographs of their children so they would always have a recent one.

Provincial Police Commissioner Mzwandile Petros had tasked Roberts, other NGOs, to come up with a more effective plan to tackle the problem.

In the most recent missing children case, Roberts said officers had been unable to find recent photographs of Okuhle Maqhubela and her brother, Mabaxole. The brother and sister went missing from a petrol station in Laingsburg at midnight during a trip from East London to Cape Town, where they would have been reunited with their mother.

Roberts said police in the province would approach the national office to have an identity kit they had created for children, to be distributed in the Western Cape and the rest of the country, if approved.

Once filled out and completed, the kit would include details of the child, a recent photograph, his or her fingerprints, a DNA sample, his or her blood type and details of his or her parents. Dessie Rechner, founder of the NGO Pink Ladies which helps police with search operations, said she was “extremely excited” about the identity kit and proposed database.

Missing children are a huge concern international. Many laboratories are trying to assist in the search for missing children. DNA Identifiers offers a Child Safety Identification Kit like the one described in the article to help keep children safe.

Child Safety Kit

More about this article

• The Parental Accountability Act allows courts to order parents of young gang members to attend parenting classes.
• Courses will teach parents how to identify gang and drug activity in their kids.
• They will also learn better communication skills with their children.

Gang violence has been in the forefront in Santa Barbara this year. Police have identified 700 gang members living in the city. The new law will hold parents of gang members accountable for their children’s actions.

Every day Tere Torres walks down San Pascual Street, she is reminded of the gang violence that killed a 16-year-old boy she once knew.

Torres met Lorenzo Carachure two weeks before he died. She remembers her conversation with him. “I said you know what? Only one advice, don’t get involved with gangs and doing all this stuff, drugs and this and that, and you’ll see you’re going to be doing, very, very well,” she recalls.  Torres’ advice came too late.

According to police, Carachure was involved in a gang and stabbed by a rival member as he walked home. “I couldn’t believe it. It was very sad, very, very sad,” Torres says. This year, a new state law will hold parents of gang members accountable for their children’s actions. The law will allow juvenile court judges to send gang parents to parenting classes.

Torres thinks the law will be a good wake up call to some moms and dads. “I think parents, they don’t know what they are doing. Most of them they’re working all day and they don’t know what the kids are doing,” she says. The new law will also force parents to meet face to face with the families who have lost loved ones to gang violence.

“It’s a good idea because it will get parents to be more responsible for their kids actions,” says Martin Medina, a father in Santa Barbara with his kids. The parenting program will be funded by requiring parents to pay for the classes. The law also allows juvenile court judges to dismiss the costs for families with extreme financial difficulties.

Most if not all states have a law that looks something like this:

(1) A man is presumed to be the father of a child if:

(a) He and the mother of the child are married to each other and the child is born during the marriage;

(b) He and the mother of the child were married to each other and the child is born within three hundred days after the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, dissolution of marriage, legal separation, or declaration of invalidity;

(c) Before the birth of the child, he and the mother of the child married each other in apparent compliance with law, even if the attempted marriage is, or could be, declared invalid and the child is born during the invalid marriage or within three hundred days after its termination by death, annulment, dissolution of marriage, legal separation, or declaration of invalidity; or

(d) After the birth of the child, he and the mother of the child have married each other in apparent compliance with law, whether or not the marriage is, or could be declared invalid, and he voluntarily asserted his paternity of the child, and:

(i) The assertion is in a record filed with the state registrar of vital statistics;

(ii) Agreed to be and is named as the child’s father on the child’s birth certificate; or

(iii) Promised in a record to support the child as his own.

(RCW 26.26.116 Presumption of paternity in context of marriage. on leg.wa.gov)

While this law might seem reasonable to many it does not take into account that it is estimated that 40% of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriage (www.caughthercheating.com) What if that child is not the husbands?

The second way is for the father and mother to sign Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity form at the hospital when you have your baby. The hospital staff will give you this form and help you complete it. When you and the child’s father sign the Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity form, the father’s name will be placed on the birth certificate.

If you and the baby’s father are unable to sign the Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity form at the hospital, you may complete it at home. Your signature must be witnessed by someone over 18 years old, and by a person not named on the voluntary acknowledgment.

You don’t have to be the biological father to sign this form there is no proof required you are stating you are the father and will be responsible the moment you sign this from. Most states but not all have laws that allow you to challenge paternity that is assigned based on the Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity. They typically have a set time period with in which you can contest your paternity.

The third way is to have paternity assigned to you by a court. This can happen if the alleged father does not responded to a woman’s claim for paternity or if the Judge or Jury feels that it is in the best interest of the child. For example a section of Missouri’s bill requires courts to balance the best interests of the child and the hardships of the man who is contesting paternity regardless of a DNA test proving that he is not the father.

“James McClendon knows he’s not the biological father of his ex-girlfriend’s 16-year-old son. He’s got a DNA test to prove it. But his wages are trimmed each month to pay thousands in child support debt. McClendon, who lives in St. Louis, has been fighting a 10-year legal battle to overturn a paternity ruling that says he’s the child’s father. Between legal bills, supporting his three biological children and several failed jobs, he’s built up $25,000 in child support debt.” (States move to allow DNA paternity challenges, By LEE LOGAN The Associated Press www.kansascity.com)

Stories like this are not all that uncommon unfortunately and have been a leading reason why in over 30 states laws are being or have been enacted to allow men to challenge paternity with a DNA test. A major force lobbying for changes to paternity laws is Carnell Smith, an engineer in Atlanta. Smith successfully lobbied for a Georgia law that allows men to challenge paternity at any time. Smith who calls himself a victim of “paternity fraud,” used this same law to erase his own paternity ruling in 2003. Carnell Smith has formed a national organization lobbing for similar laws in other states.

NBC’s story ran 10/20/06 When Today’s hostess Meredith tested her own dog using the Canine Heritage™ XL Breed Test. This test uses cheek swabs. For step by step instructions see: http://www.dog-dna.com/tests/instructions-results.php. To see the full show visit http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&brand=msnbc&fg=&vid=e1ce80dc-75f9-4456-ad3c-d63a56e4aa9c&from=00

ABC’s story ran 5/20/2007 they tested Becky and Alex Shelton’s dog Sol using a blood test. This is a test that needs to be preformed at a Veterinarian’s office. Vets do charge fees for drawing the blood sample that would be in addition to the testing fees. For the full story see http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3193494

Both tests were very informative and it appears the breeds that made up these two dogs were identifiable. There are some times were this is not the case. For example many labs don’t test for “Pit Bull” and any dogs that include this breed would show as unidentified breed or something similar, or just not show up at all.

It is important to do your research on which ever type of testing you decide to move froward with. Most labs will have email addresses or phone numbers where you can verify which breeds are tested.

The 86 year old woman told Bobby that she “needed to get something offer her chest”.  She claimed Marjorie Angell, DeeAnn’s mom, had insisted she’d come home with the wrong baby – nurses had taken her baby and the Reed baby, both bald and weighing about 6 pounds, and bathed them together, when they returned with the babies, they’d been switched.

Both families compared stories and learned that rumors of the switch had been talked about for years.  They decided to preform a sibling-ship test to determine the truth as both sets of parents were deceased.  DeeAnn and Kay tested with two of Kay’s purported siblings and discovered that they had, in fact, been switched at birth!

It should comfort some to know that, while mistakes can happen, it is highly unlikely that this type of oversight could be made at a hospital in this day and age, as there are many precautions taken. Furthermore, should a mother have concerns, she is now able to do purchase and perform a maternity DNA test.

For the Full story:

http://eastoregonian.com/main.asp?SectionID=13&SubSectionID=48&ArticleID=92415

I don’t even know what to say – either we have become way to over protective or our society has become one of the most dangerous in the world and we aren’t careful enough.

“America’s Worst Mom”, Lenore Skenazy, has taken her parenting experiences, and those of other parents, collected on her web page, “Free-Range Kids” and turn them into a book.

For those of you who didn’t know about Lenore Skenazy, she is the mother of Izzy, who at the age of 9 was allowed by his parents to make is way home from a New York Bloomingdale’s. Izzy was given quarters, a subway map, transit tickets, and 20 dollars. He had to travel just a few miles, taking 1 subway for a total of 3 stops and 1 bus for a total of 6 stops. Skenazy who was very proud of her son wrote a news column about Izzy’s experience only to find herself and her family as the center of a media frenzy.

Becoming Dubbed the “America’s Worst Mom,” the Skenazy family has made no apologizes for their behavior but rather struck back with the web site and now a book teaching and helping other parents in their struggles to let children experience life freely.

Would you allow your 9-year old child to roam, parent-free, in the streets of New York? How do you feel about Mrs. Skenazy’s parenting? Let us know…

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/your-childhood/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-462091/How-children-lost-right-roam-generations.html